ANNOUNCER
This is the Rose of Jericho Pocketcast Network …
FANCAST HOST
That was December 16, 2098, the date of the mysterious “final words” from Roger Bragado-Fischer. I hope you hear my air quotes around “final words,” as that message included the statement, “One crew member, remaining awake” – that statement has been hotly debated and ignored in official statements, but we would argue that Occam’s Razor would imply that he did not intend to go gently into his good stasis pod! Sorry, I had to throw in some poetry, this is Roger we’re talking about. The question remains – has he been awake this nine months since the Base Theta shutdown? If so, was he the only one? What has happened to his husband, Alexandre, after the downfall of the Rio-Sao Paolo Enclave? Not to mention Cas and Pol! And what about the puppies? Our only choice is this – we’ve got to keep looking at the Moon, we’ve got to keep asking the questions …
SLAM ANNOUNCER
Sofia Benitez with a brutal dropkick combined with an absolutely blistering villanelle! The crowd was stunned by that quatrain, the longest silence I’ve heard in the Asunción stadium since that match back in 2087 at Los Escondidos where Abrigado used the same combination to decimate the home team! The repeating lines that match were, “As I roam the midnight forests of your heart,” and the other refrain escapes me, something about moon-silvered skin, punctuated perfectly as his opponent hit the mat! If only Alexandre Bragado were sitting across from me to ask – but he’s been living in the “Where Are They Now” file for quite some time. Still, an absolute legend, and I’m sure he’d congratulate Mx. Benitez on hir win today.
TECH ANNOUNCER
Today we’ve got a deep dive into the various bot models they used on the Moon. That’s past tense, unfortunately, as the Moonbase Project was mothballed last year, but the good side of that is with reduced Security comes reduced responsibility – it’s easier to gain access to certain files. We’ve got schematics now for the Lunar-particular versions of industry standards like construction bots, mining bots, supply bots … I thought we’d start today with a quirky little example, the waste bot! Specifically, that’d be the Waste Elimination Enhancement Bot, Lunar Edition, or WEEBLE – light years beyond your common household, or even industrial maintenance units! If you’re one of our backers, you’ve seen the visuals, but let me describe for you the vacuum foot built into the base of this edition …
COOKING HOST
One quick note before the following episode, where we cook up the next recipe in our Budget Dinner Countdown – we’re referring extensively to some En-Soy-Ment products, particularly the Saucy Leakproof Noodle Pouch and the BBG Bits. Not gonna lie to you, sous-chefs, we had a sponsorship deal that was just simmering at the time that’s since gone sour. The whole En-Soy-Ment line has been vanishing from market shelves, not sure what that’s about, but they definitely vanished from our ad budget so … we’re recommending you replace those products with the Pura-Soy brand instead. That’d be the Zesty Soy Strings in Szechuan sauce; and for the bits – they don’t really do the bits, but you can run their Dehydrated Rib Chunks through a processor for thirty seconds …
CONSPIRACY HOST
So that was tangled up in their Zero Day bullshit, you know what I’m sayin’? Like, conveniently, everyone’s radar was on the fritz, nobody saw where the rocket came from, they couldn’t track if it was headed to the satellites or a space station or – the friggin’ Moon, why not! I’ve talked about why it’s absolute bullshit that the corporations all just gave up on the Moon. But you know what my theory is? I say, you know I’m a master, I’m an ace at this shit. I think it came from one of the Freeholds! I know you’re sayin’, Freeholds, guy? Those little stone-age farms in the middle of nowhere? But you know what else is in the middle of nowhere? A hell of a lot of tech that the governments left behind! Let’s take a break then I want to talk to you about Africa, Northern Africa –
ANNOUNCER
Moonbase Theta, Out – The Final Season. On all your podcast apps or monkeymanproductions.com.
SOUND: Planetwide Media Theme
ANNOUNCER
And we’re back. Before we end tonight’s broadcast, we’ve got Barnett Bell with a little Where Are They Now report, talking about the Combined Corporate Moonbase Project. If you’ve forgotten what that was, who can blame you? It’s almost a year now since the last of those Bases were shut down and the crews brought safely back to Earth.
BARNETT BELL
That’s not actually …
ANNOUNCER
I’m sorry?
BARNETT BELL
That’s not actually the case.
ANNOUNCER
(forced laugh)
Well, you’ve been to the Moon, I guess you’d know!
BARNETT BELL
(jumping right in, serious)
The Combined Corporate Moonbase Project. Once a shining hope in our skies – but now, one year after the shutdowns, a reminder of lost hopes and unfinished business on our only natural satellite.
(brief pause)
Unfinished because, despite rumours to the contrary, the shutdowns do not appear to have gone smoothly. This is a story of resources squandered, corporations locked in conflict, and Moonbase crews left in stasis, awaiting retrieval to this very day.
ANNOUNCER
That can’t be right? They’re not still –
BARNETT BELL
It was protests by the families of personnel left behind that exposed this last oversight; the only response from the megas in charge has been that fuel shortages resulted in a delay in crew retrieval. A strange explanation, considering how much fuel has been generated on the Moon itself.
ANNOUNCER
Umm, Barnett? Barnett?
BARNETT
There has been no further official response, and with more recent shakedowns it’s uncertain who is even taking responsibility at this point.
ANNOUNCER
Barnett?
BARNETT BELL
(similarly, pushing on)
However, my investigations have revealed an interesting possibility –
ANNOUNCER
(louder, breaking in fast)
Barnett, thanks for that illuminating report.
BARNETT BELL
Wait, hold on –
ANNOUNCER
We’re out of time, but you’ll hear more from Mx. Bell and the rest of the Planetwide Media team again tomorrow. Good night, and good news.
SOUND: Planetwide Media Theme
