MOONBASE THETA, OUT – S4 Episode 10 – “Beeps and Boops”
by D.J. Sylvis
ANNOUNCER
Moonbase Theta, Out – a Monkeyman Productions Podcast. Season 4, Episode 10 – “Beeps and Boops.” Please see the show notes for content warnings related to this episode.
(Content Warning – Physical distress and injury, pain response and pharmaceutical use)
INTRO
SOUND: Planetwide Media Theme (a bit fainter than usual)
SOUND: Perhaps just a bit of background as well – A/C, maybe some hum from the lights
(Barnett sounds a bit quieter than usual – she’s just reading over the story to herself, but we still want to play into the idea that this is being broadcast until the Announcer comes in.)
BARNETT BELL
– while I wasn’t able to talk to other personnel on Moonbase Delta during my stay, they did give me a full tour of the facility, and never specifically restricted the use of video. I kept my visor camera running throughout, and after an extensive review of that footage, I’ve discovered details that lead to some key questions regarding operations of the entire Moonbase program.
(brief pause)
Most significant was homemade signage I found on both the supply level, and within the main infirmary area, warning against the consumption of – or even inhalation around – packages of En-Soy-Ment brand food products. En-Soy-Ment, of course, was a now-failed commercial operation of the Consortium – the megacorporation hit hardest by the events of Zero Day. And perhaps the slowest to rebuild, in part because they were already struggling after the failure of the Moonbase Project.
SOUND: Faint footsteps approaching
BARNETT BELL
No other mega was as closely involved in the management of Moonbase operations, including the supply and transport of all goods, which leads again to the –
ANNOUNCER
Barnett! What the hell are you doing?
BARNETT BELL
There you are. I was wondering if I’d have to take the anchor chair! I’m reading over my copy –
ANNOUNCER
Everyone’s seen your copy.
BARNETT BELL
What are you talking about?
ANNOUNCER
Everyone. Has seen. Your copy for tonight.
BARNETT BELL
How? How could they – everyone? The whole way up?
ANNOUNCER
Oh, the whole way.
BARNETT BELL
Are you sure?
ANNOUNCER
What did you think was going to happen?
BARNETT BELL
I thought I’d –
ANNOUNCER
Did you think they’d just let you keep pushing it? Did you think they wouldn’t read everything?
BARNETT BELL
I thought I had a little more time.
ANNOUNCER
You definitely don’t. Go grab your things while you can; Security is on their way down.
BARNETT BELL
Dammit. God dammit.
ANNOUNCER
Go! You don’t have time!
SOUND: Footsteps running, starting beside us but fading as they go
ANNOUNCER
Nushi, get that off the prompter.
SOUND: Planetwide Media Theme
ANNOUNCER
(suddenly “on”; line fading out at the end)
Good evening, and good news! On tonight’s program, we’ll be discussing the recent financial recovery, and what it means to consumers like you; we’ll be celebrating National Cheese Toast Day with the chefs of Café Frisco; and looking back at the history of the NYC’s Boston Annex …
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
SCENE ONE
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
SOUND: Background – still the inside of Wilder’s spacesuit, breathing louder
SOUND: Continuing from the end of E9, repeat the effect of the fall and her gasp as she hits the ground
WILDER
Dang it. Oh, dang it!
(after a moment, scared as she realizes where she is)
Gosh-dang it Eliza, what have we got ourselves into this time.
(after a moment)
Eliza?
SOUND: Wilder’s arm revving up, but something is wrong in the mechanism
WILDER
(groans, woozy)
That’s not soundin’ so great, darlin’. And I’m not feelin’ so great – my head went all contrecoup inside my helmet. You should be impressed I knew that word. We’re gonna pretend it’s not because of the last time somethin’ like this happened.
(more groaning as she sits up)
How far down are we? Looks to be maybe thirty, forty – it’d help if my eyes stopped doublin’ up. There we go … okay, official estimate is a lot. Eliza, mark it down – “a lot.”
SOUND: Wilder’s arm revs sadly
WILDER
Oh, honey. We might have voided your warranty this time around. Minute we get home, I’m gettin’ Lark on the horn and we’re settin’ up a maintenance check. I mean, you’ve been checked by Maintenance, so to speak, but it ain’t my speciality.
(she grunts as she tries to stand up)
If you can just prop me up while I – therrrrre we go. See, look at that edge up there we fell from. That’s not so far. This is the goddamn moon, we can jump –
SOUND: She grunts louder than before, and we hear her suit moving as she tries to jump
WILDER
Shit! Come on now, Wilder, you can do better than that. How many times did you go rock climbing with the girls? Okay, brace yourself, and … up, up, and – oh crap –
SOUND: Again, the noise as she tries to jump, and some surprise as she loses her balance at the fall
WILDER
Ooof! Double crap! Oh, ow, dammit. Owwwww.
(brief pause)
Fact is, I was never any good at rock climbin’, it’s just a good place to meet th’ ladies. Oh, I’m gonna lay back down, that hurts like a son-of-a-gun. Uhhhh … ‘Liza, I just might need first aid.
(after a moment, she chuckles)
The worst part about all of this is Tumnus was right, and I can’t even tell her and watch her experience a new emotion – smugness.
(she hisses in pain)
Ow. Oh fuck ow. Suit, first aid – pain patch, level three.
SOUND: A small beeping noise, Wilder sighs
WILDER
That’s the stuff. Why don’t I just use these all the time? I got enough aches on th’ daily.
(small sigh again, settling in)
Just let that get down to my bones, and we’ll take a look around. No hurry now, I guess. With my leg out of whack, we’re stuck until someone sends a search party … which is gonna take a while, seein’ as I gave a pretty wide-open window for when I’d be back.
(brief pause, starting to ramble and zone out just a little bit)
I mean, assuming they do send someone up, after they realize it’s too long and probably have a dozen Base meetings to make up their minds, then it’s another two days of travel, then they find the Rover and drive around in circles tryin’ to get me on the radio … of course, suit radios don’t work so well underground, good thing I brought one of those mining units. Good work, Wilder, we’d be up shit creek without the mining radio. The mining radio …
(she groans)
Which is currently plugged into the charger deck on th’ Rover. Oh, Eliza. Oh, Tumnus. You’re gonna laugh when I tell you th’ story.
SOUND: Suit moving, Wilder groans
WILDER
Dammit, pain patch, level five.
(after a moment, a bit more dazed, fading at the end)
I wonder if it’s okay to take a snooze. Probably not supposed to … but I gotta close my eyes for just a minute, one minute … ‘Liza, just one minute, then we’ll listen to a pocketcast or somethin’. There’s one I like about lele-vators … elevators …
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
LARK
(barely audible but the volume slowly increases)
… it’s a feedback issue, actually feedback from inside your arm – your prosthesis depends on biodirectional control, those microelectrodes we implanted around your nerve endings aren’t signaling properly. I did program Eliza to compensate for minor signal loss, but without regular maintenance –
(solid volume now, tone changing)
Wilder! You listen to me, Wilder, or else we’re starting right over with today’s therapy. Wilder!
WILDER
(snapping awake; note – pronunciation is “Uh-poy-dee-uh”)
All right, fine, fine! Don’t you even, Lark Apoidea. Blood and sweat and rage face I gave you and this is – wait, how are you even here? Where is here? Right, all banged up, trapped in a moon cavern. None of which applies to you.
(still drowsy)
Shit, Wilder, you must ‘a overdid the pain meds, you’re trippin’ balls here.
LARK
It’s more likely I’m an auditory hallucination due to head trauma.
WILDER
Well, ain’t you just a know-it-all.
LARK
It’s far from the ideal situation, but all the more reason you need to stay awake, treat your injuries, and learn more about your surroundings.
WILDER
All right, Shoeless Joe. I’ll go build it, and they’ll come.
(shaking off the dazed-ness)
What are we doin’ first here?
LARK
The pain patches will only help you temporarily. Look in the first aid kit – there should be some injectable nanobot solution.
WILDER
Okay, will do. Wait, how the heck do I inject somethin’ through my suit?
LARK
There’s a pass-through port in your right thigh. Get to it. They’re mostly diagnostic, but they can reduce inflammation as well as a few other basic functions. Right now, treating inflammation would be enough.
SOUND: A slight hissing as the injector works
WILDER
All right, little guys. Your battle will be legendary. Well, Jiminy Cricket, what next?
LARK
Definitely not your conscience here. But if you can move –
(Wilder groans)
If you can move, carefully, you need to look around, see what’s up. You got yourself into this situation.
WILDER
Quit remindin’ me. Okay, I’m gonna … kinda slide along on my butt for now. Lights up …
SOUND: Wilder’s breathing, suit rustling as she inches forward
WILDER
You know, Lark, I always wanted to thank you properly for the advice you gave me back on Earth.
LARK
You don’t have to thank me.
WILDER
I do, though. The trouble I had seein’ my situation right with Jen and Thea – I’d probably still be in that place if it weren’t for you. That was above and beyond, my friend.
LARK
I’m not really Lark.
WILDER
Yeah. But I still wanted to say thank you. Until I can … you know.
(after a moment)
Wait, what the hoppin’ heck have we got back here? These are bots – supply bots, looks like. That explains the tracks, I guess. But who’s sendin’ supply bots up to the North Pole?
LARK
Santa Claus?
WILDER
I said that! I said that, back at the base. Maybe this was some sort of emergency thing – in case a crew had trouble during maintenance or somethin’. Would have been nice to have that bit of information.
LARK
They must have broken through the same way you did.
WILDER
All right, don’t rub my nose in it. They are pretty busted up, but maybe I can fix one. And this must have been what they were haulin’. Half these cases are cracked open, but some of the supplies might be good.
SOUND: Wilder’s suit rustling again as she wrestles with the crates
LARK
That’s quite the pile of ‘emergency supplies’.
WILDER
You’re tellin’ me. Are you sure it’s not Christmas? There’s an oxygen generator in here, and … sweet, a pressure tent, I don’t have to live in this suit while I’m healin’ up. And there’s food – well, almost, there’s En-Soy-Ment. Phish Cakes – that’s with a “ph”; Riblets in Soy-B-Q … Soy-Tato Tots? I guess it’s somethin’.
LARK
Somewhere at the bottom there’s probably a case of En-Soy-Ment Green.
WILDER
Hey, that’s a me reference, good job there! I know, I know, you are me.
SOUND: More of Wilder’s suit rustling as we go, some vibrations through the suit
SOUND: Wilder humming a bit
WILDER
I think I can feel those nanobots workin’. Should I be able to feel them workin’? Anyhoo. Sweet mechanized Jesus, I think that’s a tool kit! A good one; we might even be able to do somethin’ for you with this setup, Eliza. And we’ve got some rolls of Kapton tape – not quite duct tape, but we can work with it. We can make do. We should stack the useful stuff over here …
SOUND: Wilder’s arm cycles, still sounding off, but working
WILDER
Wait, darlin’, lift up again. Grab whatever’s down there – that is not another soy-based product.
(she grunts, lifting it up, then whistles)
You know what that is? Eliza, do you know what that is? That … is a pretty heavy-duty communications rig. Like I mean, Roger might even be impressed. Look at you!
SOUND: Just her breathing for a moment
WILDER
You’ve got a serious power pack … what the heck are you doin’ at the top of the Moon? Question is, do you still do the beeps and boops?
SOUND: a slight, faint tone, conducted through her suit
WILDER
Beeps and boops are a go! So that’s somethin’. Sweetheart, want to interface for me?
(after a moment)
There’s a satellite uplink, useful as that is at this point … but it looks like it’s also set up for somethin’ a bit closer to home. Looks like it was hard-wired to catch a specific signal, and then to repeat it – passin’ things right through to the network. Why would you need that? Every base has already got a hookup to the network.
SOUND: Wilder’s arm cycles
WILDER
Right, ‘Liza, you’re right, forest for the trees. We can play Detective Pikachu later, point is, we should be able to reverse that and send to wherever it was comin’ from. Hopefully there’s someone at the other end. Let’s set that over here, and bring the toolkit too. This would be so much easier if we could walk. Scoot, scoot, scoot …
(she groans a little)
Gentle scoot, gentle scoot …
(she laughs)
I’m gonna call, and I’m gonna be like, surprise, motherfucker …
(she groans again)
Okay, that was a lot. I might need another pain patch. Lark, am I allowed another pain patch? Lark? Eliza, I think we might’a lost Lark. Pain patch, level … level three. I gotta focus here.
SOUND: Spacesuit background ends
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
ANNOUNCER
Our program is brought to you by Planetwide Media – broadcasting everywhere on Earth and across the Moon! Our “Spotlight Sponsor” for this episode is Rebekah Data Analysis – “Your answer is somewhere in our spreadsheets!”
Note – there may be advertisements inserted at this point in the episode.
SCENE TWO
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
SOUND: Minor ratcheting vibrations behind the next few lines (see S4P5)
SOUND: Spacesuit chime / breathing
MCGURK
Just a minute – there’s a manual release on this side.
MARIA
Can you get me in or can’t you?
MCGURK
I’m doing it, I’m doing it. I’ve been in, give me a break, L’Anglois.
MARIA
Whatever.
SOUND: The airlock door sliding open
MCGURK
Told you.
MARIA
Finally.
SOUND: Faint footsteps, the door sliding closed again, the airlock cycling
MCGURK
“Do not advance beyond this point without Security –“ gotcha. Welcome to magical Moonbase Eta!
(brief pause)
I’ve got the air on and everything.
SOUND: Maria taking off the helmet of her suit
SOUND: Quiet hallway background – a bit of A/C, not much else
MARIA
Go back outside – I want you on watch. This is just when someone like Michell is gonna come poking around.
MCGURK
Right. It’s all set up back there for you.
SOUND: Footsteps walking; in the background we hear the airlock open and close again
SOUND: Footsteps stop; a sliding door opens and closes again
SOUND: Hallway background transition into cubicle background (a bit more enclosed)
SOUND: Maria settles into a chair
MARIA
Bon, on dirait que c’est réel. (Well, I guess I’m doing this.)
(after a moment)
Olfactory? Gimme … where’s the little light? Olfactory? McGurk, you asshole.
(she sighs)
Let’s get this over with.
SOUND: Pushing a few buttons, flipping a switch
MARIA
Hello, hello? This channel better be working. Bon sang, où êtes-vous? (Goddamn it, where are you?)
RECEPTION BOT
(over a speaker)
Ne quittez pas, je transfère l’appel.(Hold the line, your call is being transferred.)
MARIA
What?
SOUND: A small tone for the line transfer
ENCLAVE OFFICER
All right, whoever you are, this better be important.
MARIA
You’ve still got that bot handling your calls? Why’d it send me to you anyway –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
Is somebody there? Darlin, who’d you connect me to – oh. Oh.
MARIA
This is always fun. Two and a half second delay, remember?
ENCLAVE OFFICER
Maria L’Anglois, as I live and breathe. You too, apparently, which is nice to know.
(brief pause)
I remember the delay. This is why I let Daniels handle the calls.
MARIA
(overlapping)
It took until now to get a secure rig working again, I’m on Base Eta – Daniels! That’s the name.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
All right, let’s hear your report. It’s good to know I’ve got another face card up there – Base Eta? Why are you messing around on that side?
MARIA
I’m getting to it. We needed a secure rig to reach out – it took McGurk a while to make it happen. I had to sweet talk that Bragado-Fischer so I could slip into his system and get the codes for the other rig. It’s not like we can use official channels.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
You’re still using McGurk, that’s your first problem. Uh huh.
(brief pause)
I’m not exactly on those channels anymore myself. Beside the point, we’re talking now. Just get me up to speed, I’d think you’d be on the far side with Adlai, and your “baby bro.” Or did Base Theta actually go kaboom?
MARIA
(overlapping)
Oh, your golden guy Addie who crashed into the Moon and has been ducking my calls ever since? You made a great choice there. And Michell’s on this side, Michell’s with me – you wouldn’t have me right now otherwise.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
They’d better be well into plundering my supply stashes by now, it’s not like I can send up a rocket like old times …
(brief pause)
Hold up, crashed? What happened to my cargo – what happened to my bots? Go back, start over, you’re telling things all wrong.
(brief pause)
Darlin’, reschedule that meeting we had with the robotics team.
RECEPTION BOT
Rescheduling for … Thursday, three-fifteen –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
Thursday’s bad for me, I’ve got that thing …
MARIA
Connard! Maybe if you’d shut up I could get the story told!
(There is a prolonged silence.)
MARIA
What’s going on? Are you still there? McGurk – I know you’re listening in, if this rig stops working –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
(overlapping)
If you’re gonna talk, then get to it.
MARIA
(fade out at the end of this line)
Oh, I’m gonna. Shut your mouth and open your ears. So here’s the way it went down – some of this I only know from Michell, because someone’s shit planning left me stranded on my own for a foutou year …
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
MARIA
(tired, but getting wound up over this speech)
That’s the size of things. I’m tired, I’m pissed off, I never want to look at another potato or chair another fucking meeting about “The Plan” … Ashwini Ray can have all this Base Lead bullshit, it sounded fun at first but this is nothing like my previous commands.
(brief pause)
And before you try to smooth talk me, I am really not a fan of you at this point. I’m not forgetting that you wouldn’t give me the locations to your damn secret stashes, or tell me who else was ‘cooperating’ with you … you sent a rocket to the other side to get things going again … and you never said a word about your plans for Base Theta, but you had no problem throwing my brother into the middle of it!
SOUND: Her fist hitting the console
MARIA
(waiting, mutters to herself)
Next time, he sets up the olfactory first thing.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
It seems like you’ve paused, so I’m gonna assume it’s my turn. Thank you for the recap; some of that I’d guessed. Less of a thank you for hurling accusations and insults from your great height, but I can understand. Sounds like you’ve had a rough time of it.
MARIA
A rough time? Did I tell you the bit about the Rovers? About starting the farm again from frozen seeds? Did I mention that when they decommission a Moonbase, they shut down all the sanitation units!
ENCLAVE OFFICER
Now you’re upset that I didn’t copy you on enough memos, that you weren’t figured into my strategies, Officer L’Anglois, you’re forgetting one simple thing.
(after a moment)
You weren’t even supposed to be awake! No one was supposed to be awake. My plans for Base Theta involved a full shutdown and the keys left under the doormat, just like everywhere else on the Moon. Michell was supposed to be my eyes and ears, sure, but then off to a sweet and dreamless sleep until I unite the two of you the day I make my final move. If it weren’t for that communications officer …
MARIA
(overlapping a bit)
You don’t deserve to say Michell’s name.
(catching up)
What did you think was gonna happen, you stretched out their shutdown and gave him every chance to get fed up and act against you …you’re just lucky he didn’t go near Alpha on his little jaunt to the near side.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
I extended their shutdown because I needed that fuel – tables had turned and I needed my own supply. None of this was my original plan. But you know how it is, you’ve got to change with the game.
(brief pause)
I trust you’ve kept prying eyes away from that Base?
MARIA
So far. If they start getting too curious, I’ll know. Good thing about the way Doctor Day screwed things up, we’ve got proof that dangerous spies are out there.
(brief pause)
Look, the thing is –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
That was definitely a failed experiment. I’m concerned that she’s still out there.
MARIA
You better not mean what that sounds like. I’m not that loyal.
(brief pause, starting again)
In fact, the thing is –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
I’m just … warning you of potential complications. What is the thing, Officer? You’ve started to say that twice.
MARIA
The thing is –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
Unless the thing is, you’re not gonna work with me anymore. If that’s the thing you keep almost saying, I’d suggest you put that in the discard pile. You can shout at me, curse me, criticize my treatment of certain family members who wouldn’t have survived their first command if not for me … but if your plan is to throw in with that plucky band of misfits against the Evil Empire … I would not suggest that as a course of action.
MARIA
I’d say “Evil Empire” is overselling things, based on what we’ve been hearing from Earth. You’re so far in the shadows, you’ve gone invisible.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
Oh, I wasn’t talking about me. I hear things too, after all, things that might not have made it to the news. People are looking up, especially since a certain rocket launch, and they’re starting to wonder.
MARIA
Oh, but you’re gonna save us.
(brief pause, under her breath)
Olfactory, give me – dammit, McGurk –
ENCLAVE OFFICER
I’m not going to save the Moon, I’m going to own it. I’m going to take back what was mine, what I made mine from those shadows you mention, and when the other megas show back up … when they show up … they’ll find my mark everywhere.
MARIA
You don’t have that kind of power.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
You’re thinking I don’t have that kind of power, and maybe you’re – see, like I said. You could be right. But I was looking up before anyone, way beyond wondering, and all I have to do is be there first. Is anyone you’ve got ready to go against me?
MARIA
We could be. Hell, I could be. I know more secrets than you think.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
(after a moment for the delay)
Make your moves carefully, Officer L’Anglois. I know some secrets too.
(brief pause)
For instance, I know that by now, you’ve probably woken at least one person who’s working for the Freeholds – probably on Base Theta, they seem to be the sort.
MARIA
What are you talking about?
ENCLAVE OFFICER
That’s made you a bit bolder. They’ve told you the resistance is gathering in Northern Africa, maybe you can combine forces – they’re probably even planning a space program of their own if they can scrape one together.
MARIA
What the hell are you even – how do you think we’re talking to Africa? This is the first call we’ve managed to get through.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
So I wouldn’t wait on the edge of your seat for allies from that direction –
(brief pause)
I hope that’s right. You want to watch which force you throw in with. If they get in touch, I’d suggest you let me know, and let me take care of things.
(brief pause)
We had a fruitful relationship for a good long while, Maria. I’d like to keep it that way, and I think we can both still get what we want. Hell, your brother too.
MARIA
Leave him out of things, this is about me and you –
RECEPTION BOT
(overlapping, in the background)
You have a call from … Officer Talor Daniels.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
I’ve got to take this. Think about the choices you’re making, and get back to me. I can help you with your … difficulties on that end. But you gotta choose to be on my team.
RECEPTION BOT
The call on hold has been upgraded in priority to urgent.
ENCLAVE OFFICER
We’ll talk soon.
MARIA
Right, sure. I’ll call your bot. We’ll do lunch.
SOUND: A tone indicating the call has terminated
MARIA
(she sighs)
Great. Ça va être un … shitshow. (This is gonna be a …)
SOUND: She hits a button and opens a comms line
MARIA
McGurk! Get in here, I need to know if this rig can reach anywhere else. I’m gonna find somewhere on this base that’s got olfactory.
SOUND: Cubicle background ends
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
SCENE THREE
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
SOUND: Cubicle background (ongoing)
SOUND: A bit of mechanical tinkering, a little electric spark
ROGER
Shit! All right, Roger, you should be able to figure this out, it’s your damn job. If Doctor Day could make this rig work … all right, bad comparison, she might have been a traitor, but a genius traitor. Me, I’m just a lonely and a lonesome traveler; but I’m what we’ve got. One of these gizmos has gotta work soon or else we’re left with our collective –
SOUND: A much larger electric snap
ROGER
Gods-be-damned-fucking-piece-of-shit-son-of-a-son-of-a-sailor!
DR. SEMAAN
(just out in the hall)
Roger Bragado-Fischer, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
ROGER
Luckily, no mother to be disappointed. Amal! What a fortuitous distraction!
DR. SEMAAN
(inside now)
It’s a good night for it. Sorry about the mother thing.
ROGER
Eh. What are you up to?
DR. SEMAAN
Just … you know, wandering. Much as you can on a very small Moonbase. Still no luck getting these things to talk?
ROGER
This one from McVett, it’s connecting, but no response when I try to send a message. The other one, I still can’t figure out where the signal goes. There’s got to be a repeater out there somewhere, but … pick a direction.
DR. SEMAAN
I can help if you want. Not much going on in my world right now.
(sighs)
ROGER
I’ve probably got too much.
DR. SEMAAN
(after a moment)
Hey! Somebody told me, and by somebody I mean Tumnus – you’ve been writing poetry?
ROGER
She’s got a big virtual mouth. I tried … for Alex. I finished one thing – with help – and I haven’t been able to write again. I wouldn’t call myself a poet.
DR. SEMAAN
Impostor syndrome, we hardly knew ye. I’ve been in a slump myself.
ROGER
You?
SOUND: They sit down in the other chair in the cubicle, we hear it creak
DR. SEMAAN
I haven’t written for a while, but … lately, it’s been coming back to me. Too much time out in the tunnels alone, I guess.
ROGER
Right.
DR. SEMAAN
It was easier back on Earth. I even did some Slams – Damascus circuit mostly. Nowhere Alex would have toured, but I heard of him.
ROGER
Of course. He was … he’s just so great. How could I have read him my poem anyway? Like here, honey, this might as well be in crayon …
(a long pause)
The whole thing is just so fucked up. He’s finally here … but he’s not really here.
DR. SEMAAN
That is tooooo relatable.
(after a minute)
Here, what I’ve been working on:
(poetry below by Shereen Lani Younes)
the hardest part
of romance is
you can’t see the moon
from the moon
relying on my memory
has proven to be foolish
as it moves further and further
away from me
i want to dip myself into moonlight again
let it envelop me
until the stardust in my bones
recognizes its kin
finally releasing me to do nothing but
dissolve
into their gaze
ROGER
Shit.
DR. SEMAAN
Ouch, a little harsh.
ROGER
I just mean … too relatable.
DR. SEMAAN
Yeah. Yeah.
(There is a prolonged pause as they’re both submersed in gloom.)
SOUND: Addie whistling, starting a bit away out in the hall and getting closer; footsteps to accompany
ADDIE
Hey, kiddos. What’cha all up to at the midnight hour?
DR. SEMAAN
Addie. Sorry, I’m in your seat.
ADDIE
It’s all good.
ROGER
Did I mix up the schedule again?
ADDIE
No, no, just … needed to roam. Brain wouldn’t stop, so my body got restless too.
DR. SEMAAN
Yeah.
ROGER
Yeah.
ADDIE
I definitely found a party here. Did I miss the gloom patrol?
ROGER
Sorry. Just … you know.
DR. SEMAAN
Talking about the folks we can’t talk to.
ROGER
That.
ADDIE
Oh. Shit. I’m … sorry, Roger. I haven’t been down to see Alex in a while.
ROGER
You and me both.
ADDIE
I never know what to say. Silly thing to worry about … but there’s so much. Too much at this point. He doesn’t even know about Payload yet, which is … how am I gonna even …
(after a moment, gradually losing their cool)
We were up there and things had just switched from what felt like gliding to a rickety mine cart again, Payload was keeping it under control but – I could see it in their eyes, we were fucked, I don’t think Alex really knew until … they both stayed cool the whole time, I don’t think Alex ever knew. When the Gs got bad, he passed out and I was seeing spots – but Payload never even blinked, rode that rocket the whole way down looking for the best chance in a bad situation.
(brief pause)
Do either of you know who Descartes or Pascal were? I keep meaning to look those up.
(after another moment)
Shit, amigue, that wasn’t the best way for you to hear that stuff. I’m just …
ROGER
It’s okay. It’s a lot … to keep in.
DR. SEMAAN
Goddamn right it is.
SOUND: The chair creaking as they lean forward
DR. SEMAAN
Wanna get out of here? One of the new science bros brought over Arkham Horror, it’s been a long time since I played –
ROGER
(overlapping, background)
Not my thing –
SOUND: An almost imperceptible buzzing noise, like equipment starting to vibrate
DR. SEMAAN
But I’ll bet it would be epic on the Moon! Hey, isn’t that your little thing, rig there, that’s buzzing?
ROGER
Huh? I don’t think so.
ADDIE
Roger, the other one! From McVett – the Freehold rig!
ROGER
Shit, it is.
DR. SEMAAN
Does that mean that a message is coming through?
ROGER
I don’t know!
SOUND: Equipment being moved, chairs creaking, a drawer being opened and slammed shut; various bustle as Roger snaps into work mode
DR. SEMAAN
Aren’t you supposed to be the one who knows?
ROGER
Shit. Shit! It’s not even – I haven’t patched it in yet, that’s the first I’ve even seen it react to – shit!
ADDIE
Amigue, that’s the wrong cord.
ROGER
I’ve got this! It’s under control! Shit, it’s the wrong cord. I’ll swap it in here –
SOUND: A click as he plugs a cable in; the buzzing gets louder; flipping switches
ADDIE
Come on, man, come on …
SOUND: A scrambled tone as the system tries to access the signal, a bit of static, and then:
NAC 2
(bored, in Arabic – translation is “I’m checking the old connections now – if my message reaches you, send me a signal.”)
بشيق على الوصلة القديمة دلوقتي – لو الرسالة دي وصلتلك ، اديني اشارة
ADDIE
Where is that?
ROGER
Who is that? I can’t even – hello? Hello?
(after a moment)
It might just be another random broadcast, I don’t think they hear me –
NAC 2
Hello?
(focused now, in Arabic – translation is, “Really? Is someone really there?”)
يا سلاااالم، هو حد هناك بحد؟
ROGER
I’m not … I don’t understand –
DR. SEMAAN
Let me.
(in Arabic, translation is “Hello, this is Moonbase Theta. Where are you?”)
مرحبا، معاك قاعدة القمر ثيتا. وينك؟
ROGER
(after a pause)
It’s gonna take a second. Actually, about … two point five seconds.
NAC 2
(in Arabic, translation is – “This is Communications One, Jabal Hamzah facility. The Northern Africa Coalition.”)
ده اتصلات رقم واحد، منشاءة جلال حمزة، تحالف شمال افريقيا
ROGER
Who is it?
ADDIE
They said, “Northern Africa.”
DR. SEMAAN
(in Arabic, translation is – “For real? We knew you were there, but how did you get through? What’s happened down there?”)
عن جد؟ بنعرف انك كنت هناك بس كيف عملت المداخلة؟ شو صار تحت؟?
ADDIE
(in the pause, to Roger)
Doc Semaan’s just asking the how and what.
NAC 2
(in Arabic, translation is – “There’s a lot I’d need to explain. Maybe I have to –“)
دي حجات محتاجة شرح كثير اوي. ممكن انا لازم….
ROGER
Amal, let the rest of us in on things?
DR. SEMAAN
(in Arabic, translation is – “Do you mind speaking in English? Our communications guy is here and he’s getting nervous.”)
ممكن تتكلم بالإنجليزي. مسؤول الاتصالات هون وعمالو بتوتر؟
NAC 2
Of course. This is NAC Communications. We’ve been trying to reach you.
ROGER
This is Roger Bragado-Fischer, Moonbase Theta. We’ve been hoping to be reached.
NAC 2
Roger! I know who you are.
ADDIE
See, amigue, I told you!
ROGER
Oh. Umm … good. Just a sec.
(quieter)
Addie – go get Jaxon. And I guess Ashwini? And – Tumnus, are you around? Anyway, Jaxon. Ashwini. Go!
ADDIE
On it, boss.
SOUND: Footsteps moving away quickly behind the next dialogue
ROGER
We’re gonna get – if you can hold on, I’m getting somebody more in charge. Hello?
DR. SEMAAN
The delay.
ROGER
Right. You’d think I’d remember –
NAC 2
I’m holding. But there’s someone else here now, too.
ELENA
Roger? Roger, is that you?
ROGER
(a little unsure)
Roger Bragado-Fischer, moon celebrity, at your service.
ELENA
(overlapping)
This is Elena. I … think you’ve probably heard of me.
NAC 2
(in the background, note pronunciation is “Nesh-wah”)
I’ll go get Nashwa.
ROGER
I don’t know many people in – Elena? Elena Elena? Like Nessa’s –
(brief pause)
Shit, I’m sorry. I mean … I’m sorry. I guess you know everything, everyone down there seems to know everything, but … shit. Elena.
ELENA
I’m gonna wait while you … that. And that.
(gently)
Thank you. It helps to know people are up there doing her work.
(after a moment)
How’s Alex? It was good to get to know him – he must know now, but they got out just in time.
ROGER
I … guess you don’t know everything. Shit, where do I even … Alex. Yeah.
SOUND: In the background, another slight buzzing sound like before
DR. SEMAAN
Roger?
ROGER
Thanks, Amal. I’ve got this. So –
DR. SEMAAN
No, Roger – the buzzing thing again. The message thing!
ELENA
(a bit quieter)
Everything okay up there?
ROGER
(whispering to Dr. Semaan)
I’m on it already.
(back to Elena)
Umm – okay might be –
DR. SEMAAN
The other one!
ROGER
What other one?
DR. SEMAAN
The other … rig, the message thing!
ROGER
Shit, the other one –
SOUND: Chaos again, moving equipment, chairs creaking, flipping switches
DR. SEMAAN
What can I do?
ROGER
I don’t know. Just a minute.
ELENA
Roger?
ROGER
Oh. Umm, Elena, I know this is the worst time, but can you hold a minute? We’ve got another thing happening here and we’re … woefully unprepared …
(to Dr. Semaan)
Here, unplug that and plug this into the same port.
ELENA
Did you say hold? Roger –
(she is cut off)
SOUND: Some of the same scrambled tone and static as earlier, but going on a bit longer (behind the next line of Roger’s)
ROGER
I hope we can get them back. Okay, how does this one … they couldn’t just work the same way, could they? Of course not …
(Suddenly, the static breaks off and the signal is clear.)
WILDER
(exhausted, barely putting words together)
… I don’t know, Eliza. I’ve tried everythin’ I can, poked and and sautered and rerouted, it’s still not – hey, that thing there is blinkin’, that’s new.
DR. SEMAAN
Is that …?
WILDER
Wonder what I did to cause that?
ROGER
(incredulous)
Wilder?
SOUND: Faintly, from the other end of the call, we hear Wilder’s arm cycle
WILDER
No no, darlin’, fool me twice. You said if I tried one more time, I could take a nap. I tried one more time, so I’m gonna –
ROGER
Wilder? Can you hear me?
DR. SEMAAN
(overlapping, background)
Is the button down?
ROGER
Wilder?
WILDER
Wait, was that – holy heckfire – was that Roger?
ROGER
The one and only.
WILDER
Really Roger? Not in-my-head Roger, real back-on-Theta Roger?
ROGER
I hope so. You’ve got an in-your-head Roger?
WILDER
Don’t flatter yourself; right about now, I’ve got an in-my-head everyone. But I hope it’s really you.
(brief pause)
Wait, why does this thing connect to Roger?
ROGER
I could ask the same question! This was the – you’re on the secret line! The Doctor Day transmitter.
WILDER
I told you, Eliza! I told you. That answers one question, and opens up about a hundred more.
ROGER
You’ve got to give me a minute, there’s a lot happening here. There’s a call from –
WILDER
No, you give me a minute! I had this all planned. I was gonna say –
SOUND: Overlapping with the next lines, we hear faint footsteps and muffled voices (pull any Ashwini / Jaxon lines and keep them unintelligible)
ROGER
Wilder, there’s a call from Earth and I’ve got to –
WILDER
Surprise, motherfucker! Surprise, mother …
(as what he said sinks in, trailing off)
That’s … what I was gonna say.
ROGER
Look, just … hold that thought. I swear, I’ll be right back.
SOUND: The footsteps continue for another moment, getting closer
SOUND: The cubicle background ends
SOUND: Chime – Bookend
(The episode ends.)
PRODUCERS
Today’s episode featured Danyelle Ellett, Evan Tess Murray, Leeman Kessler, Tina Daniels, Claudia Elvidge, Shereen Lani Younes, Journee LaFond, Hesham Elshazly, Leslie Gideon, Cat Blackard, D.J. Sylvis, and Robin Howell.
Just a quick head’s up: we’re taking a short mid-season break – the next episode of Season 4 airs on April second. See you then!
Written by D.J. Sylvis; Cass McPhee is our audio engineer. Our theme music is “Star” by the band Ramp; our cover art is by Peter Chiykowski.
Looking for more great audio fiction? Check out What Will Be Here. Five friends send a rocket to space with a collection of recordings that document the world’s decline – a show about living and creating when things feel pointless.
Our Executive Producers are Sarah Müller and Beka B, and our associate producers are Marty Chodorek, June Madeley, Timothy LaGrone, Marilyn Reid, Marissa Robertcop and Linda Boyer. Today’s shoutout is for Casey Laridaen.
Thank you guys so much for your support, and helping and trusting us to bring this story to life. We love what we’ve done with it and we can’t wait for you guys to hear all the work the cast and crew has put in, and we hope you love it as much as we do.
And speaking of your support: everything helps, from leaving us a great review and subscribing on your podcast app of choice to sharing your feelings with us on Twitter and telling your friends about our show. For behind the scenes updates and early access to every episode, we would love to have you join us on Patreon. Visit us at MonkeymanProductions.com to learn more (and to visit our store if you need an En-Soy-Ment sticker or a T-Shirt featuring your favourite doggos!). But beyond all of that, we are so glad that you’re listening and sharing in this story with us. Thank you. And, as always, keep watching the moon.
